It is said that one thing can change the world. It could destroy the happiness, or double the joy. Anything and everything matters. That part of me which is missing did matter someday. I don’t find it anymore. I don’t know it’s gone. But I feel better, actually best. Somehow I tried to gather myself, but then I wonder ‘Was I really in that broken state?’ The answer to which I might get till the end of what I am writing…
It happens once, twice or I don’t know how many times. With me it did once I guess, no wait twice,ummm oh never mind :p . But what I didn’t get was why I was even trying to get something what was not meant for me. That’s what my best friend hates. ‘You don’t learn from your mistakes’ she says. Today I realise how true and how real those words are. But still better realise then never, isn’t it? Every single time the bell rings (in my heart) I think may be this time it is meant to be. But no, it is not. Till now, it has not even happened once.. What it is you might wonder? It nothing but a stupid thing called L-O-V-E :/ .
Its not about today or yesterday, It is from years I am going through this. I didn’t think before I did things. After this whom should I blame? No one but me. But this time I know it was different. Yes it was, from my side though. But what I felt, what I did, what I thought, everything is and was different. Of course one sided feelings kill you every second. It did. It killed me every second. What I was immune to was the pain. I couldn’t feel it. That’s the sole reason I kept on trying and changing what seemed to be impossible. In the process I did hurt many. My soul, my brother, my friends, my other half that is my best friend. May be when she reads this my apology gets accepted . So during this phase of ‘me being into love’ I think I gave everything I had and I did everything that I could do. Something strikes me today that its not this only person I love or now I say I loved, there are many who I do care about. But did I actually go and do things for them what I did then? And there is no answer.
Things do happen for a reason and that reason is always good. I look at the few months which passed away and today I get the reason for whatever happened and trust me, Its GOOD . When I say the part of me died, it means the part which I didn’t want to be died. It’s something that was sad and it had to go. Was I really in the broken state? Actually I wasn’t. I am happy that things didn’t go my way. Though I really tried my level best but thank god it didn’t happen. The reason is simple. If things would have gone my way, by now I would have lost myself. Which is the last thing I want. Instead I earned many things. I learnt how to NOT repeat your mistakes, FIRST care about those who really care about you and LISTEN to what the close ones have to say about your deeds :p.
I came out as a much much better person. Thanks to the phase that I was into some days ago.
So here I cremate the part of me deep down. May you rest in peace.
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