Tuesday 26 April 2011

A part of me that died


It is said that one thing can change the world. It could destroy the happiness, or double the joy. Anything and everything matters. That part of me which is missing did matter someday. I don’t find it anymore. I don’t know it’s gone. But I feel better, actually best. Somehow I tried to gather myself, but then I wonder ‘Was I really in that broken state?’ The answer to which I might get till the end of what I am writing…

It happens once, twice or I don’t know how many times. With me it did once I guess, no wait twice,ummm oh never mind :p . But what I didn’t get was why I was even trying to get something what was not meant for me. That’s what my best friend hates. ‘You don’t learn from your mistakes’ she says. Today I realise how true and how real those words are. But still better realise then never, isn’t it? Every single time the bell rings (in my heart) I think may be this time it is meant to be. But no, it is not. Till now, it has not even happened once.. What it is you might wonder? It nothing but a stupid thing called L-O-V-E :/ .

Its not about today or yesterday, It is from years I am going through this. I didn’t think before I did things. After this whom should I blame? No one but me. But this time I know it was different. Yes it was, from my side though. But what I felt, what I did, what I thought, everything is and was different. Of course one sided feelings kill you every second. It did. It killed me every second. What I was immune to was the pain. I couldn’t feel it. That’s the sole reason I kept on trying and changing what seemed to be impossible. In the process I did hurt many. My soul, my brother, my friends, my other half that is my best friend. May be when she reads this my apology gets accepted . So during this phase of ‘me being into love’ I think I gave everything I had and I did everything that I could do. Something strikes me today that its not this only person I love or now I say I loved, there are many who I do care about. But did I actually go and do things for them what I did then? And there is no answer. 

Things do happen for a reason and that reason is always good. I look at the few months which passed away and today I get the reason for whatever happened and trust me, Its GOOD . When I say the part of me died, it means the part which I didn’t want to be died. It’s something that was sad and it had to go. Was I really in the broken state? Actually I wasn’t. I am happy that things didn’t go my way. Though I really tried my level best but thank god it didn’t happen. The reason is simple. If things would have gone my way, by now I would have lost myself. Which is the last thing I want. Instead I earned many things. I learnt how to NOT repeat your mistakes, FIRST care about those who really care about you and LISTEN to what the close ones have to say about your deeds :p. 

I came out as a much much better person. Thanks to the phase that I was into some days ago.
So here I cremate the part of me deep down. May you rest in peace.

That Feeling


It grew on me…after a long black way
It changed me…to an extent..and where it takes …I cnt foresee

That feeling..it drives me crazy
But its the one…I survive on

However complicated and unexplained that is
It gives me hope ,a reason, a breath of satisfaction

That feeling…I have it all long
Dwelling in me….growing every second

People say curb it,destroy it,forget it
But how am I supposed to when it’s a part of me..my heart beat

That feeling…which sends in shivers
Without it I feel empty…hollow…a stone

It has been lost ,I have been lost…years ago
It got me out, now…and may be it will last long

That feeling….makes me smile,cry, stumble and giggle
Something very genuine,very true and my life

Worse was the phase ,when it was gone
I sense evry bruises it left on every of my beats

That feeling which transformed from being evil to wise
Now on no expense can I let that tear me apart

Its something I got…precious then all the things in this world
Someday ,some moment…it will get its value…I promise

That feeling is now breathing with me….feel if you can
Its stays with me…lives with me….dies with me…

Its Just THAT FEELING….

A Resume to you


The smile its picture perfect, along with the feeling,
But you don't read it when  my eyes to you they sing,
Somehow the world is complete when someone like you fits in,
Then I  strive to gain your attention and win

Life is worth even if I  have only YOU,
From the bunch of the precious few,
You are the one shining like a jewel,
Only and only in MY heart you dwell

 Its been years I have never had something like this,
It changed me the whole of me..there is no more to wish,
You know everything of me and so do I,
There is something special but its still unclear...there is no answer to WHY

Life is joy even if I have only YOU,
From the bunch of the precious few,
Where we go from here  I have no clue,
But i know am not perfect enough to match you

I am happier then ever this very minute,
Next minute is scary with the fear of losing,
But I suddenly feel great with a miracle of assurance,
Because I see it in your eyes even if you havent framed it in words even once

Life has a meaning even if I have only YOU,
From the bunch of the precious few,
Even if I am not like 'THE ONE' for YOU
I still apply when the VACANCY in YOUR HEART is DUE...

When you are around..Its Special


Strange it is when you r around,
The feeling it gets crazier,you sweep me off the ground,
With you you bring your world,the world which has u and me,
Happiness,togetherness,the future,my baby widout you which i cannot see

With a miraculous connection,deep ,unseen and divine,
Together forever here we are entwined....

Being Special


It feels so special to be around you,
Ever since you stepped into my life, to you I am glued,
So close,so important,so lovely and beautiful you are..do u see?
Knowing you,being with you,I dunno how..all the more I love me..

One day I wonder, will I be with you ever?
But whatsoever was happening it seemed like never
Astound I was..seeing you actually talking to me then
Am still pinching to realise..did it really happen...but when?

Now i see things are the opposite
Day without you are mess and nothing is neat 
Your voice, presence, your being ..now matters
Because you fill in the empty places with love and glitters

  'ONLY YOU' 

You


My life....it had you..standing besides me
It was worth living...every second only with you
My day started with your words and then the ray of light
And now without you..it doesn't have day or night
I never knew when it changed and you went away
I  loved you..but what now when the meaning of you is changed


Its just that now you cant understand me
It hurts...but the pain and tears ..you cant see


I close my eyes,I see you smile
Tears roll out..you are not gone from my mind..not even for a while
A reason, I demand for the things you have been doing
Ignorance is what you give me..Is it my mistake..the reason for your behavior that I have been seeing? 
Easy it might be for you to walk away and not look back
But that left something in my heart which made me collapse...a crack


Its just that now I dont feel you around
To sadness, to loneliness and heartbreak am bound


Still there is a hope and wish that you come back
And give me my smile,my charm ...or just give me you
Fill in the crack,emptiness and be the reason for my being
Because I am nothing without you and now I cant afford crying
There's a reason in that too..in my tears is my love for you sealed
So take the chance,explain and express whatever you felt and you still feel


I just want the real you now , the one I loved and i still do
Because life has value and is worth..when I be with YOU...