A part of me that died

It is said that one thing can change the world. It could destroy the happiness, or double the joy. Anything and everything matters. That part of me which is missing did matter someday. I don’t find it anymore. I don’t know it’s gone. But I feel better, actually best. Somehow I tried to gather myself, but then I wonder ‘Was I really in that broken state?’ The answer to which I might get till the end of what I am writing…

It happens once, twice or I don’t know how many times. With me it did once I guess, no wait twice,ummm oh never mind :p . But what I didn’t get was why I was even trying to get something what was not meant for me. That’s what my best friend hates. ‘You don’t learn from your mistakes’ she says. Today I realise how true and how real those words are. But still better realise then never, isn’t it? Every single time the bell rings (in my heart) I think may be this time it is meant to be. But no, it is not. Till now, it has not even happened once.. What it is you might wonder? It nothing but a stupid thing called L-O-V-E :/ .

Its not about today or yesterday, It is from years I am going through this. I didn’t think before I did things. After this whom should I blame? No one but me. But this time I know it was different. Yes it was, from my side though. But what I felt, what I did, what I thought, everything is and was different. Of course one sided feelings kill you every second. It did. It killed me every second. What I was immune to was the pain. I couldn’t feel it. That’s the sole reason I kept on trying and changing what seemed to be impossible. In the process I did hurt many. My soul, my brother, my friends, my other half that is my best friend. May be when she reads this my apology gets accepted . So during this phase of ‘me being into love’ I think I gave everything I had and I did everything that I could do. Something strikes me today that its not this only person I love or now I say I loved, there are many who I do care about. But did I actually go and do things for them what I did then? And there is no answer. 

Things do happen for a reason and that reason is always good. I look at the few months which passed away and today I get the reason for whatever happened and trust me, Its GOOD . When I say the part of me died, it means the part which I didn’t want to be died. It’s something that was sad and it had to go. Was I really in the broken state? Actually I wasn’t. I am happy that things didn’t go my way. Though I really tried my level best but thank god it didn’t happen. The reason is simple. If things would have gone my way, by now I would have lost myself. Which is the last thing I want. Instead I earned many things. I learnt how to NOT repeat your mistakes, FIRST care about those who really care about you and LISTEN to what the close ones have to say about your deeds :p. 

I came out as a much much better person. Thanks to the phase that I was into some days ago.

So here I cremate the part of me deep down. May you rest in peace.

That Feeling

It grew on me…after a long black way

It changed me…to an extent..and where it takes …I cnt foresee

That feeling..it drives me crazy

But its the one…I survive on

However complicated and unexplained that is

It gives me hope ,a reason, a breath of satisfaction

That feeling…I have it all long

Dwelling in me….growing every second

People say curb it,destroy it,forget it

But how am I supposed to when it’s a part of me..my heart beat

That feeling…which sends in shivers

Without it I feel empty…hollow…a stone

It has been lost ,I have been lost…years ago

It got me out, now…and may be it will last long

That feeling….makes me smile,cry, stumble and giggle

Something very genuine,very true and my life

Worse was the phase ,when it was gone

I sense evry bruises it left on every of my beats

That feeling which transformed from being evil to wise

Now on no expense can I let that tear me apart

Its something I got…precious then all the things in this world

Someday ,some moment…it will get its value…I promise

That feeling is now breathing with me….feel if you can

Its stays with me…lives with me….dies with me…

Its Just THAT FEELING….

A Resume to you

The smile its picture perfect, along with the feeling,

But you don't read it when  my eyes to you they sing,

Somehow the world is complete when someone like you fits in,

Then I  strive to gain your attention and win

Life is worth even if I  have only YOU,

From the bunch of the precious few,

You are the one shining like a jewel,

Only and only in MY heart you dwell

 Its been years I have never had something like this,

It changed me the whole of me..there is no more to wish,

You know everything of me and so do I,

There is something special but its still unclear...there is no answer to WHY

Life is joy even if I have only YOU,

From the bunch of the precious few,

Where we go from here  I have no clue,

But i know am not perfect enough to match you

I am happier then ever this very minute,

Next minute is scary with the fear of losing,

But I suddenly feel great with a miracle of assurance,

Because I see it in your eyes even if you havent framed it in words even once

Life has a meaning even if I have only YOU,

From the bunch of the precious few,

Even if I am not like 'THE ONE' for YOU

I still apply when the VACANCY in YOUR HEART is DUE...

When you are around..Its Special

Strange it is when you r around,

The feeling it gets crazier,you sweep me off the ground,

With you you bring your world,the world which has u and me,

Happiness,togetherness,the future,my baby widout you which i cannot see

With a miraculous connection,deep ,unseen and divine,

Together forever here we are entwined....

Being Special

It feels so special to be around you,

Ever since you stepped into my life, to you I am glued,

So close,so important,so lovely and beautiful you are..do u see?

Knowing you,being with you,I dunno how..all the more I love me..

One day I wonder, will I be with you ever?

But whatsoever was happening it seemed like never

Astound I was..seeing you actually talking to me then

Am still pinching to realise..did it really happen...but when?

Now i see things are the opposite

Day without you are mess and nothing is neat 

Your voice, presence, your being ..now matters

Because you fill in the empty places with love and glitters

  'ONLY YOU' 

You

My life....it had you..standing besides me

It was worth living...every second only with you

My day started with your words and then the ray of light

And now without you..it doesn't have day or night

I never knew when it changed and you went away

I  loved you..but what now when the meaning of you is changed

Its just that now you cant understand me

It hurts...but the pain and tears ..you cant see

I close my eyes,I see you smile

Tears roll out..you are not gone from my mind..not even for a while

A reason, I demand for the things you have been doing

Ignorance is what you give me..Is it my mistake..the reason for your behavior that I have been seeing? 

Easy it might be for you to walk away and not look back

But that left something in my heart which made me collapse...a crack

Its just that now I dont feel you around

To sadness, to loneliness and heartbreak am bound

Still there is a hope and wish that you come back

And give me my smile,my charm ...or just give me you

Fill in the crack,emptiness and be the reason for my being

Because I am nothing without you and now I cant afford crying

There's a reason in that too..in my tears is my love for you sealed

So take the chance,explain and express whatever you felt and you still feel

I just want the real you now , the one I loved and i still do

Because life has value and is worth..when I be with YOU...

Playback..

PAUSED....yes dear you are

In the dark whole with the memories you had so far

Things that were someday special and true

Now your heart knows how quick....away from you they flew

The mirror cant show the real you, but your eyes do

All this pain, suffering, frustration....baby you just dont have to !!

You are stuck deep down there waiting to come out,but cant

Just call out, have faith, hold out your hand and you get what you want

There is a special someone to kiss away your pain

You are worth much more...you still have a lot to gain

Your heart is strong enough and you are not gonna be a prey

So come on baby ...come out of the pause...just put your life back on PLAY

Numb..

The heartache starts..n m feeling it now

You are gone and the place is empty again

why do things seem colorful when they start if they neway have to end

you were my charm,my life,my happiness but now everything is in vain

'Why' is the the first thing i demand and 'why me' is second

you have no answer but easily on me you put the blame

you have been doing this since long,,so its not new

But in a way you helped me..cos this is the real you

Three words

Your absence for me is a nightmare

After the love,time and closeness we share

You came into my life like a lightning

And now my dear soul, to you i sing

            ' I LOVE YOU'

A glance at you makes my day,

Your eyes say it all,I have nothing to say

Your touch, your voice, your aroma, and am numb

Going crazy, dizzy, just one thing I blabber like a dumb

            ' I LOVE YOU'

Now things are wrong, changed or so I feel,

You go away, but still the emotions, the love, i cannot kill

But somehow you still there, just for me, from the darkness you take me away,

Stealing me, holding me , den u say

            ' I LOVE YOU'

Memories

Staring at the still pictures.....For a while
My cheeks are wet but still ders a smile
the memories are making me think all over again
the 3 yrs we spent through winter ,summer and rain

How different it was when it has jus begun
everytym i realise this,through the past i make a quick run
strangers we were throwing attitudes at each other
let us jus go n ask their names....huh am least bothered

But things had to change and that too very soon
we all made our friends and groups to stay up till da noon
then presentations and projects became a reason to meet
everything was fun even the run in the canteen for the seat

Lot of things changed and it changed even me
now tht i am 3 yrs ahead its so easy to see
I have got many things tht now i cant live without
I could experience this everytym with my besties when i hang out

Can those days just come again and again and again
the bunks,the vodafone tuesdays and ya checking out the men
I cherish every train journey with you that I have shared
Me being silly and dumb but still you cared

How can i fuhget the hang outs with the smokers
so hilarious and fun my life was with this bunch of jokers
Every joke of them never digested without a smile
Ohh my god now i cant leave all like this when you all are my better halves

Exams, instead of tension brought more of fun
Just 15 days left and for notes we run
we were still happy and chilled out though we ran out of tym
cos ...good marks and topping in class ...for us they were a crime

The six days out where we all had a blast
Will it happen again and if yes than forever it should last
We have become selfish and greedy to have more of such days
Everything gonna be same ,i hope,though everyone go their ways

3 months left we realise and we have endless farewell parties
All are in to have fun...the juniors ,naughties and hotties
How weird and emotional it is when one cries and others follow
Followed with wiping of tears,hugs and blows of kisses at each other we throw

Now though its tym to part ways, I don't wanna see this end
I pray to god every day if some more tym and days if he could lend
I know thats not gonna happen but saying so is the way with my heart i cheat
Come my dear loved ones we still have a month ,lets make the best of it.....

Mr. Right

Writing through the sand my fingers pause

what is it?? Ohhh i dont have your name....n dats the cause

what should i do ..i have waited so long

come to me so we could jus sing and hang around

Hey Mr Right stop playing hide and seek

you are doing nothing but jus driving me freak

I see you in my dreams with your face so blur

giving me a feeling as if it is so censored

what is the reason you have hiding frm me

just write your name next to me before its washed by the sea

Hey Mr Right stop playing hide and seek

You are taking lot of time ,my patience is at the peak

You make feel lonely everytym i see the love bird

And wonder about the lovely old legends that i have heard

you have made me cut and compromise some features in you

surprise me one fine day, jus fallin from the blue

Hey Mr Right stop playing hide and seek

just appear next to me though you are handsome o geek

Many valentines ,precise 20 have gone single

Its the limit now baby be ready to mingle

To be frank I want someone with whom everythng i can share

My stupidity ,my innocence ,my anger....well.... who can bear

Landing with wrong ones i have had my tym

But no one like you have cum with whom my heart beats rhyme

you re the bestest and i could wait for you whole my life

just temme when you write my name next to you as yo wife

Jus fo u to knw ...your future widout me is so bleak

Mr Right go play yo hide and seek

Just come and kiss me before i go weak

GO baby Start playin yo hide and seek

Now its your turn to find me cos i have entered the league....:)

Dark..

Creepy dark nights is where u left me ,right?

I lay curled up,pale and white

In yo life didnt you ever feel to turn

Turn back n see what you have done

How can you be masked when you know you did it

Broke someone's heart n made it hard to beat

Bloody you al are wicked n are all same

Ruining joy n happiness wid no shame

Loving someone is not a game

Neither it is jus for fame

Lucky are those who relli care and are taken care of

Though its not easy like a toss

I know its a long way though

To forget da shiver n spark u used to send from ma head to toe

Dont you ever try to come back

When my life has almost caught the right track

My soul...My best friend

My smile.....is what defines her

though its crooked n has sm faults

it has its charm.n its lovely

yes she is da one ,no doubts

loneliness is not harnessed to me now

Why ? cos an angel made me fly free

free,free from da darkness

for her love i still take a bow

I think of you , n life is a fair game

wid beauty , joy n no more blame

i feel uplifted n so much more

cos i know you are da one who can sing to me what my hearts does n adores

tym flies away when we are together

so easily like a burdenless feather

people say angels dont exist,but relli ,dey do

or else who is da one wid me,fallen frm da blue?

i dont feel da need for mirrors

her eyes make me feel perfect

my hand fits in hers so close

are we any parts ov a puzzle,i wonder

if she goes away i cannot see my shadow

my life is colourless widout my rainbow

you complete me and wipe away my tears

u know when i need you n u just appear

I have no words n my feelings ova flow

with yo presence i can see n feel da glow

by almighty i consider,only fo me,a gift yo given

definately you r one to meet in heaven

He and now you

Tears rolled out,da presence was bothering me

His voice,his touch,his existence was killing me

Digging deep inside my heart ,I don’t find him

Then why my being here is insulting me

What was I doing,everything I felt is now jus in ruins

He was no one to me,why couldn’t I see

My cheeks burn,my heart’s lurching

Go way, for me now he is nothing

Sudden lump in my throat,a churn in my stomach,

There was something dat made me numb

Was it him or someone whom I desire

I just could feel da burn in me expire

Blush n bliss toss da burn

I see my heart n eyes,to you as dey turn

I have known you,yes its you,now dat you darn me

I dream of you,al of you

Pinching myself and believing my eyes

I can feel my heart beat fall n rise

I den see you coming my way

Like in a dark hole, a light ray

I know you are feeling da way I do

In da room now I jus feel us two

Your eyes on me gives a shiver

Secretly I wish dis to last forever

You and me were now ‘we’

From pain n trouble I could feel so free

I feel dopey by da essence of your being

Da gentle face,now I cannot live widout seeing

Now I feel whole,complete

Wid your’s my heart count da beats

Though far apart I can feel you near

Tugged gently at my heart ,oh dear

Warmth n heat is all I feel in yo arms

Da more you go away ,more it harms

I still feel my lips tremble

When you kissed me widout any fumble

Is it real or is it a dream

Wanting whole of you n only you is what my soul screams

I dunno what n where my being is

But my mind,soul body ,my eyes are bound to be wid you

You stepped in da dark n took my hand

I cannot express but can only say that you are mine

All I can give you is only my love

Take it,take whole of me,its all yours,my dear chime